Healthy Child Rearing - Tony Campolo

Tony Campolo Introduced

As you know, I had decided in these last three Sundays to use a different resource that might be of interest to the class at some point later in the year. Last week I taught a chapter from Parables from the Back Side by Ellsworth Kalas. This might be one direction you might consider some time this year. Even if you did not use this particular book, a study of Jesus’ parables might be a good basis for a Bible study.


A couple of weeks ago, I decided that for a second book I would teach from a book by Tony Campolo. My interest in Campolo stemmed from four sources:
· Over the years I have heard many pastors reference Campolo in their sermons, and in each case I found the story/insight to be very profound. Most recently, John Haney often uses a Campolo story to good advantage in his sermons.
· My daughter heard Campolo speak several times in her college years and reported being very moved by what she heard.
· I know enough about Campolo to know that he has done a magnificent job of bridging the great divide in the modern church. [See the web lesson with label “Two Missions of the Church” ] Congregations and other Christian communities tend to fall into two categories: churches that focus on “winning people to Christ, leading them to their first commitment to God … evangelical churches.” Churches that focus on the issues of justice, and poverty and peace … and give little attention to leading individual people to conversion experiences. Campolo lives in both worlds. You will find few preachers who more quickly will challenge you to commit your life to Christ; but at the same time he and the organization he sponsors through the proceeds of sales of his books minister actively in urban Philadelphia, Camden, New Jersey, Haiti and elsewhere. In other words he lives out both sides of the Christian gospel.
· Campolo spoke on the Sunday our granddaughter was baptized and led in the baptismal prayer.

Armed with this interest, I ordered a couple of Campolo books and a video and begin to prepare a lesson. It has been a harder task than I expected. Campolo is a prophet in the Old Testament sense:
· Speaks with a great deal of confidence and directness
· Not particularly concerned if he makes you uncomfortable
· Not beyond orchestrating a living dramas to illustrate a truth: prostitute story

All of which makes him a very interesting person; some of which makes it hard for me to teach. Of the two books I ordered, the one I am going to use today is entitled, Following Jesus without Embarrassing God. Sample chapters include
1. How to exhibit a Christian lifestyle without moving to a commune.
2. How to protect yourself from technology without becoming Amish.
3. How to have a devotional life without becoming a monk.
4. How to figure out the will of God without hearing voices from heaven.
5. How to be an environmentalist without becoming a tree-hugger.
6. How to get ready to die without pretending that it is no problem.

The chapter to which we will attend briefly is entitled, “How to raise mentally healthy kids without resorting to pop psychology.” I realize that child rearing is not a priority for some of you … but as Campolo makes clear in his examples, these are principles he uses in his work with other people’s kids … and Campolo would always be an advocate of our being involved with other people’s kids. In the chapter, Campolo makes five points.

It is hard to raise children in a highly mobile society in which many of us are separated from extended family who could give support and counsel.
In the absence of wisdom from a supportive community, we often turn to the popular press and media where we find flawed advice on raising our children.
Flawed Advice 1: The most important issue in raising children is to protect and build their self esteem.
Flawed Advice 2: The most important motivator to use in raising our children is to reward them for every good thing they do.
Important Advice: In rearing your children, give them a sense of mission.

I want to briefly summarize his points on Flawed Advice 1 and Flawed Advice 2 and then I will ask you to read his conversation on Important Advice.

Flawed Advice 1: Building self-esteem solves all problems. Campolo follows three lines of reasoning in debunking this statement.

He first takes on the notion that lack of success in school and poor behavior is always tied to low self esteem. He uses the following arguments:
· He cites the fact that surveys report that Japanese society does not focus on building self esteem in young people, yet their young people exhibit some of the world’s best success and best behavior in school environment.
· He points out that in the homes of the “Great Generation,” the men and women who fought in World War II and built post-war America, that self-esteem was not the focus. Indeed, children were often criticized in order to keep them from becoming “uppity.”
· He points out that in his organization’s work with inner city children that building self esteem under false pretenses can be harmful.
· He then reflects on some work underway in inner-city schools in Philadelphia; under direction of social scientists: focus should be on providing resources so students can succeed and behave well and then build self esteem on basis of good work and good behavior
· He then suggests that as parents, we are wiser to follow the model of these social scientists -- Establish high expectations for your children, then build their self-esteem on the basis of real accomplishments.

Flawed Advice 2: Motivate desired behavior with financial rewards.
Campolo then takes on the notion that we should elicit desired behavior from our children by constantly rewarding them when they do what we want them to do. He points out that to enter the bedrooms of most adolescents is like entering a trophy room. Children have been presented trophy’s for almost every effort, perhaps even trophys for just showing up.
He tells of being on a panel with Newt Gingrich, former Speaker of the House. Gingrich, very worried about the ability of children in inner cities to read, suggested that we pay children a $1 a book as a reward. Campolo responded that the result might be surprising. Children would lose any sense of reading for the joy of reading. They might comb the stacks of the library looking for the shortest books … to make more money. They may read dull, uninteresting books … to make more money. To tie reading to financial reward may dampen or kill the motivation that would lead them to continue to read after the program was over.

He then suggests more generally that by using financial rewards to motivate children, we suppress other, more important motivations. Hence when payments are not available, children have no interest in continuing. In particular, we must grow in our children the desire to behave well and act well out of love.

He then tells the story of the son of a pastor friend. The little boy, seeing the worry on his father’s face as Saturday evening approached, asked, “what can I do to help.” The father told him that it would be a big help if the boy would shine his shoes on Saturday night. Sure enough, on Sunday morning the shoes showed up in the hallway, shining and ready to go. The daddy was so pleased that he left a thank you note by his son’s bed, with two quarters.

The next Sunday, newly shined shoes were again in the hallway, but when the pastor put them on, there was a quarter in each along with a note that said, “I shined the shoes because I love you.” We dare not corrupt motivation like this with economic incentives.

Now, prophet Tony has spoken. He has debunked two approaches to childrearing (both of which I used in rearing my children from time to time J). However, he not only has negatives, he has a positive. I want you to read his conclusion to this chapter and be prepared to comment on one or more of these issues;

Class reads from bottom of page 223 to end of the chapter.
o An idea from Campolo that you had not had before
o Something from Campolo that you agree with
o Something from Campolo that you disagree with
o Something from Campolo you are not sure about.

Class then reads passage where Tony Campolo argues that a key ingredient in rearing a child well involves helping that child build a sense of mission.