Stress from Loss: Grieving as a Christian

Stress in the life of a Christian: Previously on West Wing we have discussed
• Stress related to failure
• Stress related to conflict in relationships
• Stress related to the work place

Today I want to read part of the introductory Biblical passage and ask you to identify for the source of stress we will discuss today: Read Job 1:13-15, 18-21



Stress increases when we are grieving a loss. Before we begin our conversation, I would like to use what the educators among us would call a pre-test.

Post-Test given to class:

1. When we talk about grief, we most often think about our response to the death of some one close to us. However, we often find ourselves grieving other losses that have nothing to do with death. Can you identify some examples other losses that might produce grief in the life of an individual?


2. Prolonged or overly emotional grieving demonstrates a lack of faith. (True or False)


3. Each person’s experience of grief is completely unique. (True or False)


Responses to Question 1:
• loss of relationship by separation … spouse to Iraq, divorce, insurmountable issues that divide from someone you love
• Loss of job
• Loss of health
• Loss of financial security
• Loss of personal safety
• Loss of dream
• Loss of reputation or status or approval

Responses to Question 2: The curriculum is emphatic that it is not a sign of spiritual immaturity for a Christian to experience wrenching grief. Indeed, our response from one moment to the next in the grief process may vary. A moment ago we heard Job’s initial response to his terrible loss. In that response he is somewhat calm and dispassionate. However, as time passes his grief takes many different shapes. Listen to Job in Job 3:1-4, 11-12, 16, , 25-26. Here we hear a man whose grief is intense, yet his faith remains constant.

However, Carla points out that failure to move beyond grief may signify a crisis in faith. We will touch on this in a minute.

Responses to Question 3: True and False. Each person’s grief patterns are unique. And indeed, as we watch another person go through the grief process, we really have no measure of how profound and deep it is. The Bible offers several pictures of persons experiencing grief and in each case they have different characteristics. We watch David lament as his friend Jonathan is killed, we watch the prophets mourn as Israel wanders further from God and consequences follow. We watch Jesus mourn when his cousin and his friend John the Baptist was beheaded. [Read Matthew 14: 9 – 13] Note that the outward manifestation of Jesus’ grief was that he chose to go apart by himself.

On the other hand, although each person’s grief is individual, there are some common patterns in the grief journey that are worth noting:

The curriculum describes this pattern: Shock, Denial, Sadness, Anger, Acceptance. In our two vignettes in the life of Job, his first response was in the period of shock. By Job 3 he was somewhere in anger stage. Another well-respected pattern is the one researched by the physician Elizabeth Kubbler-Ross who identified the following stages in the grief that comes when one learns that one has a terminal illness: Denial, Bargaining, Anger, Depression, Acceptance. What both patterns suggest to us is that grief is a journey though which we must move … and that to resume a life of joy and meaning, we must eventually complete the journey. Knowing the patterns that will characterize our grief may help us monitor ourselves as we experience grief and may also help us as we live with and reach out to friends and family who are immersed in grief.

Our authors emphatically assert that grief is a normal part of the lives of Christians and not a sign of weakness, and they emphatically assert that there is no magic time after which all Christian should have completed their grief journey. However, they suggest that there are some false beliefs that can lead us to get stuck in our grief journey in a place of despair or bitterness. These false beliefs can rob us of some or all of the joy of the Christian life.


Question for Discussion: Accepting for a moment that grief is a journey that each of us must travel to the end, what are some false beliefs that can hold us in bad places?

• I can never forgiven for my part in the loss of X (where X may a passenger in the car I was driving when the wreck occurred, X may be a spouse I had a fight with before he was deployed to Iraq, a job that was lost due to my inattention, a championship game that was lost due to my mistakes, …) . If we get stuck at this place in our grief journey, we forget that God is first and foremost a God of forgiveness. He invites us to bring our pasts to him for healing. He can and will forgive.
• Without X, there is no possibility of joy or happiness or fulfillment in my life. (Remember X may not be a person … lost job, lost dream, …) This false belief assumes we are dependent on our selves or the lost person or thing for joy and happiness. For a Christian, God is the source of true joy.
• Because I lost X, my life has no meaning. Again, this false belief forgets that with or without X, God is the source of meaning in our lives. He has loved us, declared us his children, and we need no other meaning or mission in this life.
• If God really loved me, X would not have been lost. In this false belief we presume there to know more than God and to know more about the direction of God’s will than God does.


Life Change Lessons:
1. Accept your grief: This is a necessary first step, accepting the fact that a loss has occurred and that you are entering a new season of your life, a season of grief. It does not help to declare that grief is not necessary because we are victorious Christians. It is better to admit to God and to ourselves that the loss hurts … a lot.
2. Limit your Grief: To grieve freely and openly is not to give in to an indefinite and debilitating despair. If you find yourself stuck in one of the stages of grief, perhaps being held captive by the mistaken belief that your life has no meaning, you may need help in moving on. Talk to a wise friend about your lack of progress, or seek a Christian counselor.
3. Redeem your grief: Remember that your life can grow larger through suffering. Read I Samuel 9 for an example of how David redeemed his grief from the loss of his beloved friend Jonathan by caring for Jonathan’s crippled son and making him an honored guest at the table of the king.


Pre-Test:


1. When we talk about grief, we most often think about our response to the death of some one close to us. However, we often find ourselves grieving other losses that have nothing to do with death. Can you identify some examples other losses that might produce grief in the life of an individual?




2. Prolonged or overly emotional grieving demonstrates a lack of faith.




3. Each person’s experience of grief is completely unique.

The Stress of Labor

This is the lesson from February 3, 2008.

Introduction: In past weeks, we have
Looked at stress in general: Our scripture passage centered on Paul’s poetic words in Philippians 4.
Stress that is a result of failure on our own part: Scripture passage was about Peter’s denial during the trial of Jesus
Stress that is a result of conflict: Scripture passage had to do with conflict between tribes of Israel recorded in Joshua

I am going to read the scripture that is cited today … my question for you will be. What source of stress are we discussing today?

Wheeler read Scripture Passage: Exodus 5: 1-2, 10 - 23

Today our focus will be on “The Stress of Labor,” stress that burdens our life that results from our life of work. The quarterly classifies that stress in three categories. responsibilities, relationships, and environment.

In class we created three work groups to work on these three sources of stress. We also asked each workgroup to think about this question: What resources/insights do we have as Christians that assist us as we struggle to keep stress of the workplace from dominating our lives. Below you will find notes from each work group as well as some comments from the quarterly.

Group 1: What are some ways that our responsibilities in the work place may invoke stress?

Multiple tasks that stretch us thin. In our group each of us have more than one “job” and any one of the jobs would be enough for a days work. Tasks beyond our knowledge or skill level
Tasks below our skill level
Tasks that make us responsible for lives or welfare of others
Tasks that put our life or health at risk

What resources/insights do we have as Christians that assist us as we struggle to keep stress of the workplace from dominating our lives.

o In prayer we can go to God for perspective and comfort
o In Christian community we can share and get support for some of the burdens we carry in our work; we are stronger in our minds because of our community
o From our faith we have a framework from which to make decisions
o Our job is not our life: family, Christian community, service to God and his people are other “higher purposes” in our lives
o Our highest good is not to acquire more money or power

Group 2: Identify and discuss the relationships in the workplace that may be sources of stress.

Three kinds of relationship that can lead to stress in workplace: relationships with boss, co-workers, and clients/customers.
A primary source of stress involves co-workers who are either whiners or who blow up at the slightest provocation. Persons who see everything as a “glass half full” can poison a work environment.

What resources/insights do we have as Christians that assist us as we struggle to keep stress of the workplace from dominating our lives?

One of our understandings of work is that we are servants giving gifts to glorify God.
God gives us the perspective to see the glass as “half full” instead of half empty.
We have a broader of perspective because of history and our roots.
We can understand our bosses, coworkers and customers as persons
loved by God


Group 3: What are some aspects of work conditions or environment that may lead to stress.

Physical conditions can be hot, cluttered, disorganized, drab, run-down.
There can be physical hazards: machines, bullets
The environment can be very political
The work environment can be very insecure (threat that job comes to an end)

What resources/insights do we have as Christians that assist us as we struggle to keep stress of the workplace from dominating our lives?

Knowledge that our work is meaningful and part of a bigger purpose.
First Peter


Summary by Ed: We have done a wonderful job of identifying sources of stress in the workplace and resources that Christians have in coping with those stresses. In addition to the resources mentioned above we might add:

The fact that work is affirmed by our faith. In the creation account in Genesis, God is portrayed as working to bring about creation and then resting. When Adam and Eve were put in the garden, their purpose was to “work it and care for it.” In the New Testament work is affirmed in scriptures such as I Thessalonians 3:6- 8 and I Timothy 5:8.

We can understand our bosses, coworker, and customers as persons
Loved by God
Sinful and bearing burdens of our own: One of Claire’s father’s favorite sayings was, “Don’t be too hard on anyone you meet, you never know what burdens they are carrying that day.”

We can understand the work place as a place to which we are called to bring salt and light … a place of ministry … and, in the right circumstances, a place of witness.


Lifechange Lessons [These were not covered in class but are some ideas of “changes” we can bring to bear on our work stress that were given in the book we are using]

1. List the sources of your stress and identify the top three factors that “steal joy” from your job.
2. Identify reasonable, action steps to reduce the stressors.
a. Effective people work within their circle of influence. They realize that there is much beyond their control, but there is also much that they can do within their circle of influence
Example: Relationship with boss
Determine what boss wants: (by asking, listening, observing)
Determine how to deliver what boss wants
Decide if you are willing to pay the cost of delivery
3. Evaluate your compatibility with your job
4. Avoid the urban myth of the perfect job: “Someplace there is a perfect job … I just need to keep moving until I find it.”