Newsletter, July 13, 2008

“Family and Friends” Business Meeting
Sunday, July 13, 2008

Sign up sheet indicates that next Class Social is being hosted by Tony and Amy Murphy. However, they were not in attendance at the meeting so no details were discussed.

Discussion regarding subsidizing cost of child care during Class Socials.
Historically, Ed and Claire paid Robin $45/night and parents paid $5/child or $10/family while also chipping in to help cover cost of pizza for both staff and children.
Janet will approach John Haney about whether the church would be willing to continue this ministry in the Wheeler’s absence to allow parents with small children to be more able to attend Class Socials.
Janet will also discuss with John the discovery that Robin was inadvertently not compensated for the last 2 events.

Karen will be moving which forces us to nominate a new Class Treasurer.
David McCorvey volunteered and discussions ensued about closing existing account and opening a new account under church’s identification numbers that has free checking and will be easier to access, etc.
ADDENDUM: ERICA LARSH WOULD LIKE TO BE CLASS TREASURER. DAVID WILL GIVE HER THE OFFERING THAT WAS COLLECTED DURING THE MEETING TO BE DEPOSITED IN THE CLASS ACCOUNT.

Discussions continued regarding the class account. Currently, there is only about $8 available due to recent expenditures within the class with the Wheeler’s departure, baby showers, donations to groups within the church, etc.
Carla voiced that she’d like to see us gradually return to having a cushion available in the account. This would allow the class to more easily give appointed funds to appointed individuals to carry out class functions which is preferable over having to raise money among whoever is present as a need arises.
Karen pointed out that historically, any money raised by “passing the hat” during class time was divided with half going into the class account and half going to the church into an account earmarked for Sunday School Classes in general. This is simply historical and class discussion continued regarding whether we’d like to continue that practice or decide to allot our funds in some other manner.
Discussion continued on other ways the class could build up the account through fund raising, etc.
It was further decided that this matter should be considered and discussed with more class members than the number present and discussion should resume at the next class meeting with the intent to come to some conclusion on allotment of class funds.

Rave reviews ensued on what a fantastic job Tony and Amy are doing as they lead our class in study. Carla reminded the class that both Tony and Amy are more than willing to share this experience with anyone who would like to also share in leading the class in study. Several individuals seemed interested and it was stated that anyone who was interested could go to Tony and Amy to discuss options or ideas.
Along those lines, Carla suggested that Amy may want to offer her position as Outreach Coordinator to lighten her load. Amy has been doing a fabulous job and may want to continue, so Carla will talk to her before we solicit volunteers.

Paul expressed that he would like to see the online Blog continue and volunteered to do it. He requests any hand-outs from class studies in order to help him and prefers it to be e-mailed in a Word format when possible.

It was discussed that Newsletters can be generated by anyone in the class as the need arises in order to distribute information in a timely manner. Paul will try to forward the most updated list of e-mail addresses of class members to all class members so that this will be possible.

Paul discussed that the Trustees are seeking to find groups that may be willing to volunteer their services in order to alleviate the need for the church to hire outside help for maintenance and repairs around the building. It was decided that our class would like to first tackle the Resource Room and will meet August 2nd at 9am to do so.
ADDENDUM: ORGANIZATION OF THE RESOURCE ROOM WILL BE RESCHEDULED DUE TO CONFLICTS WITH SCHEDULES OF MEMBERS OF THE CLASS.

Meeting was adjourned. Next meeting date will be determined by next scheduled Class Social.

A Call to Common Courtesy

Chapter 6 from "A Love Worth Giving" - Max Lucado


"He knocks before he enters. He always brings a gift. Food is served. The table is cleared. Thanks are offered. He knows your name and tells you his, and ...
He pulls out the chair for you."
"People can be so rude. We snatch parking places. We forget names. We interrupt. We fail to show up. Could you use some courtesy? Has it been a while since someone pulled out your chair?
Then let Jesus. Don't hurry through this though. Receive the courtesy of Christ. He's your groom. Does not the groom cherish the bride? Respect the bride? Honor the bride? Let Christ do what he longs to do."
"Common courtesy honors God and his children. 'Do your best to live in peace with everyone.' (Rom. 12: 18). Just do your best. You can't control their attitude, but you can manage yours."
1. When defining what love is not, Paul put rudeness on the list.
a. What's the rudest thing anyone has ever done to you?
b. Describe the rudest thing you've ever done to someone else.
c. How do you feel when someone is rude to you? How do you usually respond?
2. God calls us to a higher, more noble concern. Not "What are my rights?" but "What is more loving?"
a. Be honest: Do you usually think first about your rights or about what is most loving?
b. What does courtesy have to do with love?
c. Describe the most loving thing you did this week.

Healthy Child Rearing - Tony Campolo

Tony Campolo Introduced

As you know, I had decided in these last three Sundays to use a different resource that might be of interest to the class at some point later in the year. Last week I taught a chapter from Parables from the Back Side by Ellsworth Kalas. This might be one direction you might consider some time this year. Even if you did not use this particular book, a study of Jesus’ parables might be a good basis for a Bible study.


A couple of weeks ago, I decided that for a second book I would teach from a book by Tony Campolo. My interest in Campolo stemmed from four sources:
· Over the years I have heard many pastors reference Campolo in their sermons, and in each case I found the story/insight to be very profound. Most recently, John Haney often uses a Campolo story to good advantage in his sermons.
· My daughter heard Campolo speak several times in her college years and reported being very moved by what she heard.
· I know enough about Campolo to know that he has done a magnificent job of bridging the great divide in the modern church. [See the web lesson with label “Two Missions of the Church” ] Congregations and other Christian communities tend to fall into two categories: churches that focus on “winning people to Christ, leading them to their first commitment to God … evangelical churches.” Churches that focus on the issues of justice, and poverty and peace … and give little attention to leading individual people to conversion experiences. Campolo lives in both worlds. You will find few preachers who more quickly will challenge you to commit your life to Christ; but at the same time he and the organization he sponsors through the proceeds of sales of his books minister actively in urban Philadelphia, Camden, New Jersey, Haiti and elsewhere. In other words he lives out both sides of the Christian gospel.
· Campolo spoke on the Sunday our granddaughter was baptized and led in the baptismal prayer.

Armed with this interest, I ordered a couple of Campolo books and a video and begin to prepare a lesson. It has been a harder task than I expected. Campolo is a prophet in the Old Testament sense:
· Speaks with a great deal of confidence and directness
· Not particularly concerned if he makes you uncomfortable
· Not beyond orchestrating a living dramas to illustrate a truth: prostitute story

All of which makes him a very interesting person; some of which makes it hard for me to teach. Of the two books I ordered, the one I am going to use today is entitled, Following Jesus without Embarrassing God. Sample chapters include
1. How to exhibit a Christian lifestyle without moving to a commune.
2. How to protect yourself from technology without becoming Amish.
3. How to have a devotional life without becoming a monk.
4. How to figure out the will of God without hearing voices from heaven.
5. How to be an environmentalist without becoming a tree-hugger.
6. How to get ready to die without pretending that it is no problem.

The chapter to which we will attend briefly is entitled, “How to raise mentally healthy kids without resorting to pop psychology.” I realize that child rearing is not a priority for some of you … but as Campolo makes clear in his examples, these are principles he uses in his work with other people’s kids … and Campolo would always be an advocate of our being involved with other people’s kids. In the chapter, Campolo makes five points.

It is hard to raise children in a highly mobile society in which many of us are separated from extended family who could give support and counsel.
In the absence of wisdom from a supportive community, we often turn to the popular press and media where we find flawed advice on raising our children.
Flawed Advice 1: The most important issue in raising children is to protect and build their self esteem.
Flawed Advice 2: The most important motivator to use in raising our children is to reward them for every good thing they do.
Important Advice: In rearing your children, give them a sense of mission.

I want to briefly summarize his points on Flawed Advice 1 and Flawed Advice 2 and then I will ask you to read his conversation on Important Advice.

Flawed Advice 1: Building self-esteem solves all problems. Campolo follows three lines of reasoning in debunking this statement.

He first takes on the notion that lack of success in school and poor behavior is always tied to low self esteem. He uses the following arguments:
· He cites the fact that surveys report that Japanese society does not focus on building self esteem in young people, yet their young people exhibit some of the world’s best success and best behavior in school environment.
· He points out that in the homes of the “Great Generation,” the men and women who fought in World War II and built post-war America, that self-esteem was not the focus. Indeed, children were often criticized in order to keep them from becoming “uppity.”
· He points out that in his organization’s work with inner city children that building self esteem under false pretenses can be harmful.
· He then reflects on some work underway in inner-city schools in Philadelphia; under direction of social scientists: focus should be on providing resources so students can succeed and behave well and then build self esteem on basis of good work and good behavior
· He then suggests that as parents, we are wiser to follow the model of these social scientists -- Establish high expectations for your children, then build their self-esteem on the basis of real accomplishments.

Flawed Advice 2: Motivate desired behavior with financial rewards.
Campolo then takes on the notion that we should elicit desired behavior from our children by constantly rewarding them when they do what we want them to do. He points out that to enter the bedrooms of most adolescents is like entering a trophy room. Children have been presented trophy’s for almost every effort, perhaps even trophys for just showing up.
He tells of being on a panel with Newt Gingrich, former Speaker of the House. Gingrich, very worried about the ability of children in inner cities to read, suggested that we pay children a $1 a book as a reward. Campolo responded that the result might be surprising. Children would lose any sense of reading for the joy of reading. They might comb the stacks of the library looking for the shortest books … to make more money. They may read dull, uninteresting books … to make more money. To tie reading to financial reward may dampen or kill the motivation that would lead them to continue to read after the program was over.

He then suggests more generally that by using financial rewards to motivate children, we suppress other, more important motivations. Hence when payments are not available, children have no interest in continuing. In particular, we must grow in our children the desire to behave well and act well out of love.

He then tells the story of the son of a pastor friend. The little boy, seeing the worry on his father’s face as Saturday evening approached, asked, “what can I do to help.” The father told him that it would be a big help if the boy would shine his shoes on Saturday night. Sure enough, on Sunday morning the shoes showed up in the hallway, shining and ready to go. The daddy was so pleased that he left a thank you note by his son’s bed, with two quarters.

The next Sunday, newly shined shoes were again in the hallway, but when the pastor put them on, there was a quarter in each along with a note that said, “I shined the shoes because I love you.” We dare not corrupt motivation like this with economic incentives.

Now, prophet Tony has spoken. He has debunked two approaches to childrearing (both of which I used in rearing my children from time to time J). However, he not only has negatives, he has a positive. I want you to read his conclusion to this chapter and be prepared to comment on one or more of these issues;

Class reads from bottom of page 223 to end of the chapter.
o An idea from Campolo that you had not had before
o Something from Campolo that you agree with
o Something from Campolo that you disagree with
o Something from Campolo you are not sure about.

Class then reads passage where Tony Campolo argues that a key ingredient in rearing a child well involves helping that child build a sense of mission.

The Parable of the Good Samaritan

Before we get started today, I need you to make notes on the answer to three questions. We will then file the answers away and use them later in the lesson.

I want you to think of someone whom you regard as an enemy … or someone that you dislike strongly.

I want you to think of someone whom you regard as disgusting or perhaps just irritating.

I want you to think of a group or class of people that you don’ t like or don’t trust or are uncomfortable with. {Examples: mathematicians, people over 70, Chinese people, …}

We are going to take a look at a book today that Tony and Amy might want to use for some of the lessons over the summer, the book Parables from the Back Side by Ellsworth Kalas. The Biblical materials involved are the parables of Jesus. That in itself should make the lessons rich. However, in each parable Ellsworth Kalas tries to find a new perspective that can make it possible for the parable to speak to us in new and fresh ways.

Please turn to Luke 10:25-37 and read the parable of the Good Samaritan. This parable is an old friend that you have heard many times. However, it is so important that I often wonder if we should not read it every Sunday in worship, perhaps immediately after we say the Lord’s Prayer together.

Some notes from Kalas on this parable:

· As with most parables, this one was told in the give and take of conversation. In conversation with a group of people, Jesus answers the question of the lawyer.
· A “lawyer” in first century Israel was a theologian. The issue was not how to avoid arrest … but how to live the good life … how to obey the law as given in the first five books of the old testament
· The lawyer digested the law into two pieces: Love God, love your neighbor. This answer was not unique to him. This summary comes from verses in the book of Deuteronomy and these scriptures were probably in a small leather pouch that the lawyer, as a good Jew, wore on his person.
· Lawyer saw the wisdom of the answer, but he wanted to cut the requirements of the law down to manageable size. We can love some people without too much efforts, so the law will be much easier to manage if we restrict the definition of neighbor to just those people … or perhaps just those people and a few more.
· Discussion: How does this parable answer the lawyer’s question?
From the class members present: The parable extends the definition of neighbor to include all racial groups and religious groups and voided the significance of partitions by rank, social standing, and caste.

At this point, I think we have had a profound lesson. Each of us needs to be reminded daily of the truth that the parable holds.

Kalas’ twist: How did the good Jewish man who was mugged feel about being helped by the Samaritan, someone whom he had studiously avoided all of his life?

In order to help us get into the question that Kalas asks, Ed has rewritten the Parable of the Good Samaritan. In the midst of the retelling, you will find three blank spaces. Please refer to the answers you gave to the three questions a the beginning of class. Read Ed’s retelling three times, each time inserting one of the three names into all the blanks in the retelling.

Ed’s Retelling of the Good Samaritan:
I was hurrying though Forsythe Park one evening as twilight fell, and suddenly rough hands grabbed me. Before I could resist I had been struck on the head, I had been pummeled, my face had been beaten and slashed with a knife, my clothes had been half torn from me, my billfold/purse had been taken, and I had been half pushed into a big azalea bush. As I lay there half conscious, I would have chuckled except my broken ribs hurt too much. I looked for all the world like a drunk who had passed out in a public place or woman of the street who had been manhandled by a lover.

But then out of the corner of my eye, I saw Pastor John coming, walking briskly through the park. I tried to call out but my tongue was thick with pain and blood from the broken teeth, and he seemed not to hear. At least, he sped up and slid to the far side of the sidewalk. It seemed hours later, but then I saw a familiar tall, skinny frame. It was old Ed, good old Ed. I surely was glad I had been in Sunday School the last few weeks. “Ed, Ed, I gurgled.” But Ed’s eyes looked frightened, and he kept his face forward, and he walked on past. Then I passed out.

Gentle hands were turning me over. A handkerchief was wiping blood from my face, and drops of water from a Dasani bottle were dribbled on my lips. Only after I had been loaded in the ambulance, did I realize that ________________ was sitting beside me in the ambulance. __________ patted my shoulder and said, “I found you in pretty bad shape. You are ok now. We will have you to the hospital in a minute.” I passed out again but when I awoke in the bed in the hospital, it was ____________ who was sitting beside me. “I have called and left messages on the answering machine at home and I am sure your family will join you soon. But even if they don’t get the message tonight, I will stay until through the night. If you need anything, let me know and I will work with nurse to get what you need.”

How did this exercise feel? Did you learn anything new about the parable by rereading it in the first person, using the names from our exercise at the beginning of class?

Kalas tells of running out of gas in a declining part of Cleveland and having to push his car to the curb. A man sees his difficulty and rushes out of the front door of a building whose faded signage reads, “Exotic Dancing till 2:00 am. Hot babes dance Topless, Bottomless and with Abandon.” The man, the proprietor of this establishment, proceeded to place a hose in his own gas tank, siphon gasoline out of the tank (including getting a mouthful of foul gasoline in the process), put the gas in Kalas’ tank, and then sent him on his way, refusing any attempt to pay.

As Kalas drove away, Kalas wondered why the person who helped him couldn’t have been someone with a bumper sticker that read, “Honk if you love Jesus” or a board member of the YMCA rushing to a meeting. Why did it have to be the proprietor of a “girlie” bar?

Kalas’ comment: I am sure that God has warm and gentle sense of humor. He so often sends blessings into our lives through unlikely channels, folks whom we would prefer to fence out of our lives and our experiences. And in that way, he will teach us, reluctant students that we are, that our definitions of our neighbors are surely not big enough.

Newsletter, May 18, 2008

Report on Class Meeting: The Families and Friends Class indulged themselves in good food and then did good work as they planned for Ed and Claire’s departure. Several important decisions were made including:

Decision 1: We will have a June social event on the evening of June 14. Details are not yet known, but it will involve eating out and feting the “old folks.” Robin is available to supervise childcare. Please let Kristen Maynard [921-7688 (home) or 657-3634 (cell)] know how many children will need childcare. This event will serve as the June/July social event.

Decision 2: The class will continue to welcome newly baptized children into the Christian community with a letter and a children’s Bible. Janet Everly leads this ministry. [Lois and John presently have 8-9 Bibles that they will donate for class use].

Decision 3: We will not regard Interfaith Hospitality Network as a class outreach. However, we will encourage individual class members to support this ministry as they are able. For the new members of the class, the following information might be useful.
· Interfaith Hospitality Network is an outreach to homeless families
· WBUMC makes its facilities available once every 6-10 weeks for to up to three families who have no place to live. We rotate this responsibility with several other churches.
· Volunteers are needed each evening of the weeklong visit in two shifts.
· Shift One: 5:30 –8:00. Help serve dinner, eat dinner with guests, play with children and/or help with homework as needed.
· Shift Two: 8:00 pm – 7:00 am: Volunteers sleep at church. No specific responsibilities other than problem solve if problems arise.

Decision 4: Although class organization may evolve over time, for the next several months the class will be organized into two leadership directions.
Community Building Leadership:
Class Preparation Leadership:

Decision 5 (The big one!!!):
Part (a): For the foreseeable future (at least the next six months) Carla and David McCorvey will provide leadership in community building efforts. They will invite class members and class attendees to join them in making the class a welcoming place for all who come, providing periodic social events for the class [and families and friends broadly defined], and supporting mission outreach as opportunities arise.

Part (b): For the foreseeable future (at least the next six months), Amy and Tony Murphy will provide leadership in the delivery of class on Sunday mornings. They will invite class members to join them in choosing teaching materials, teaching multi-week units, and listening to the class for issues and needs that need to be addressed by lessons.

Part (c): The rest of the class will join in these two major tasks. As we talked about teaching responsibilities, a number of people nodded that they would be glad to give it a try. Perhaps even more importantly, class members were cognizant that “creating a warm and welcoming place for both frequent attenders and walk-in guests” is a priority to which all contribute … even those with only a few weeks of attendance under their belts.


Other Issues 1: Teaching for the next four Sundays is mapped out as follows.
May 25: Ed
June 1: Ed
June 8: Janet and Mitch
June 15: Ed
By June 15, we will try to have curriculum chosen to carry us through the summer. After June 15 Amy and Tony will begin their “Interim Teaching Supervisor” responsibilities. They will certainly teach some, but with summer travels they will need to hear from those of you who would be willing to share in their responsibilities. [Hawkeye Ed was taking notes of those whose heads bobbed up and down during the teaching conversation and will pass this info to A and T. However, in case Hawkeye missed a bob, it would be good for you to tell A and T yourselves.]

Other Issues 2: Amy had previously committed to teaching in a children’s class this Fall, but will need to take a pass in view of her joint “Interim Teaching Supervisor” role. If you are not comfortable teaching in the Family and Friends class or if you have a special heart for children, you might consider this role this Fall.

Stress of Change

Read the Abram story: Genesis 12:1-5

Today’s lesson is about change and the stress that accompanies change. As Christians we should know a lot about how to deal with that stress, because the Bible records the lives of people who found themselves immersed in change:

Abram (Abraham) … who left his home to go to a new land
Joseph who moved from favored son to slave to prisoner to potentate
Moses … who was tending sheep and was called by God to lead his people to freedom
David … who was tending sheep and was called by God to go into battle
Mary who was an innocent adolescent … and learned she was to bear God’s son
Joseph who learned that his betrothed was pregnant
Peter who moved from fisherman to fisher of men
Paul who was abruptly moved from chasing Christians to creating Christians
And the list goes on and on

Among the things that the Bible reveals about change is that sometimes astonishingly positive things come from change and the stress that accompanies it. Look again at the list of Biblical characters and what resulted from the change in their lives:

Abraham: A new nation was created that ultimately blessed the world with Jesus.
Moses: His people moved to freedom.
Mary: is honored as the mother of the savior of the world.
Peter: birthed a new church and nurtured it in difficult years.

Change has within it the seeds of good.
· It often calls forth from us growth and creativity and reveals to us new challenges and new opportunities.
· It has the potential to move us closer to God.

But despite the potential positives of change, we remain very ambivalent about it:
Bumper Sticker (put up board): Change is good, you go first.
For most of us, change can be good as long as it happens to someone else … and as long as it does not interrupt our agenda

Now, we have talked about biblical changes … but let’s brainstorm about the changes that characterize our lives: [work on board]
· Life cycle changes
· Vocational Changes
· Relationship changes (engagement, marriage, divorce, parenting, caring for aging parents, …)
· Health changes
· Cultural changes
· Financial changes
· Residential changes


Activity: I want to return to an activity that is parallel to activity that we did last week. Suppose that you were counseling a friend who is immersed in or facing great change. What advice would you give him or her for managing the change … and overcoming the stress of the change:

Here are some ideas on advice from the class discussion:
· To make peace with change we may have to reorder our priorities. To do so may involve not being selfish.
· The stress of change is temporary. We will reach equilibrium. The result may be better than the past, but it will certainly be different.
· Change is inevitable but in the midst of all change, we know that we are not alone … and we are loved
· Even in the midst of negative change, God will help us find good
· Pray and ask God to help us see the good things
· Even when change has laid us low, God helps us see that other people need us and this gives us strength to get up and start again

At this time, I need to take our conversation in a different direction. I need to discuss some major changes in the life that Claire and I share that will create some smaller changes in the life of this class. I want to talk about some pulls and pushes that have been working on our lives over the last 18 months that are resulting in change in our lives.
· A major change occurred some 14 months ago when Claire and I became grandparents. This created a magnet in Decatur, Georgia that has exerted a strong pull on the two of us … and a particularly strong pull on Claire.
· Another change has been occurring over time. My parents, who are 85 and 83, have remained in remarkably good health, but become more frail in body and mind as time passes. As we think about the need to respond to their needs, the seven hours between Birmingham and Savannah loom very large. This has created another pull on the Wheeler family.
· Still another change occurred two years ago when I was helped hire a new boss. Last week Tony talked about some of the perils of being in management … and there are many. But one peril of a manager is that he or she is very dependent on the relationship he has with boss the next level up. Though I have maintained remarkably good relationship with my new boss, we do have different priorities and different styles that some time cause dismay. Further, she is building a completely new leadership team, and though she has been gracious enough to include a place for me, it is not a place where I am completely comfortable. I have experienced these events as a push.
· About a month ago I received a call from a little two year college located just south of Atlanta, asking if I would be interested in serving a year as academic officer at that school. As I laid awake thinking about this call and as I prayed about this call, it seemed to be the right next step in our lives. I will be leaving in a month to move to that area, and Claire will follow as she is able to wrap up her practice.

As we prepare to leave, there is just one heartache that we cannot calm.
We have loved our work in Savannah, but we will find good work elsewhere
We have loved our house in Savannah, but we will trade grandchild for a house any day
We have loved living on the coast, but it will be good to be nearer mountains
The heartache that remains, however, is that we will miss you. We have enjoyed being in this Christian community, the community in this class, more than any Christian community in our adult lives. We are so very grateful you have shared this part of our life with us.

Stress of Discontent

Ice Breaker:

Life would be sweet if I was driving a _____________________

I surely would not mind swapping places with ________________ for a week.

This somewhat silly exercise reminds us that we all have aspirations that are not being met in the present. This is both normal and expected. However, sometimes we become so invested and focused on what we don’t have that we lose the joy of the present. This “out-of-control” discontent can fill our lives with stress and sour our relationships with all those around us.

The Stress of Unfulfilled Expectations: The Stress of Discontent


In-Class Exercise: Please read the following scriptures. Do any of them speak to you in a powerful way about the nature of contentment … and how to find it?

Scriptures

Philippians 4:10-13: I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Hebrews 13: 5 Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,
Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.

I Timothy 6: 6 – 8: But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that.

Psalm 63: 1 – 3: O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you, my body longs for your in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your live is better than life, my lips will glorify you.

2 Corinthians 4: 7 - 8: But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

Philippians 3:7-8: But whatever ws to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus m Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him.

Matthew 6: 19-21: Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. … For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.


In the outline below, I provide you with a summary of the didactic on discontent from the text. Please review and prepare comments that you are willing to share with the class on how these observations dovetail with your experiences.

Read and Respond:

Contentment is not complacency
· Contentment does not mean we don’t pursue goals and seek change
· Contentment does not mean that you don’t have a preference


Contentment allows for disappointment:
· Paul, 2 Corinthians 4:8: We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed, perplexed, but not in despair.
· In the midst of contentment we can be disappointed and we can grieve
· However, contentment does mean we are not mobilized by despair


Contentment does not dwell on comparisons: What I have versus what I should have.


Contentment does not dwell on comparisons: What I have now versus what I once had.



Contentment does not dwell on comparisons: What I have versus what others have.



Contentment does not depend upon circumstances


Contentment is the fruit of perspective
· Phillipians 1:20, 2: 16-17
· Phillipians 3:20
· Phillipians 3:7-8
· Phillipians 1:15-18


Contentment is learned behavior

The text provides a summary in terms of these Life Change Lessons:
· Make a list of unfulfilled goals and accept disappointment … but do not slip into despair. [Being content is not pretending that everything is the way you wish it would be, it is not acting as though you have no wishes. Rather, it is no longer being ruled by your desires. (John Eldredge)]
· Make a list of new goals based on current circumstances.
· Celebrate the special people, places, and moments in your life.

Managing Anger within Intimate Relationships (families, friends, and within Christian community)

I. FUNDAMENTAL ASSUMPTIONS

Assumption 1: There is a difference between anger and aggression.

Anger is the emotional response to threat or other negative stimulus.

Aggression is the destructive words or actions that flow from that emotional response.

Anger is not sinful

In many cases, aggression is sinful

Assumption 2: Anger and “blame” have to be untangled.
· Blame is about “who was bad?” (me or you). The only choices when contemplating blame is the Rejection of self or Rejectin of the other
· Anger is about threat and the threat does not always come from a “bad person”
Note: Sometimes the other person IS bad ( a thief , some one with INTENT to harm)
· Most of the time in our intimate relationships, the intent is closeness – not harm.
· We have to be very careful about the place of “get back” when untangling anger and blame
o “Get back” never helps relationships
o If “get back” is often present in your relationship, you need to invite God to help you work with this issue – and perhaps some outside person. “Get back” is damaging. Always.
o Sometimes we can misunderstand and think that something is “get back” when it is not. That usually happens when one of you came from a home where “get back” was a part of the family system. // Then it is very easy to see it when it isn’t there – because you are hurt it becomes very easy to believe the other INTENDED to hurt you.
o “Get back” is definitely inconsistent with the Christian message of Grace – from God and for each other.
Bottom line: When you are in an intimate relationship, it is important that all parties commit to the goal of loving and understanding one another – and to promise to ask God to help u remove any element of “get back” that is in the relationship. It may also be important for some of us to ask God to help us “believe” our partners’ promise that they are not intentionally trying to hurt us.



Assumption 3: Anger is about threat … threat of harm that may be physical, but is as likely to be threat to self-esteem, sense of integrity, reputation or other less tangible “goods”
· Analogy to “running a fever:” The fever is the symptom, not the disease. It is a marker to tell you that you are sick.
· When you understand the threat that makes you angry, you can understand more about how you are vulnerable – a place where you can invite God for self- awareness and healing.
· Sometimes sharing where you felt threatened with another person can help build closeness (in the best of all worlds, this happens in our closest relationships)
· Whether you can share it or not, whether you can share it with the other person or not, confessing it before God and asking for His strength, healing and leadership will be healing

Assumption 4: There is a difference between the “trigger” and the “cause.”
The trigger is external. The cause, the place where the threat is perceived, is internal. Example: My spouse comments on my spending habits. This comment. is the trigger. However, the cause of my sense of threat is my perception that this comment threatens my competence.


Assumption 5: When we have insight into the cause, the place where we feel threatened, we have the possiblitiy of healing:
· we are closer to reducing the number of times we experience the emotion of anger
· and increasing our effectiveness in relating to those with whom we are often angry.

II. Steps for anger management

Know you are mad.
The sooner you know you are mad, the sooner you can begin to work on it
If it is cold anger, you may need to sleep on it, write about it, or pray about it to figure it out.
If it is hot anger, Expend the energy! Take a “time out” to get back in control
Ask God’s help in understanding what feels threatened right now
Problem-solve on the underlying threat: devise strategies for dealing with those threats by either internal adjustments and/or problem solving with the source of the trigger.
Problem solving may or may not involve talking with the person whose behavior triggered the anger
· If the goal is intimacy, you are probably going to share what you discovered about yourself – and it can lead to further closeness in the relationship
· If the goal is to work together, it may involve a much less personal sharing and some negotiation about changes that have to take place.
· In some instances, it may be that talking to the other is pointless – if it is going to get you hit, hurt, damaged, it is a pure waste of energy./ You may be powerless with that person – but you can still take that problem to God and find a new power in your relationship with Him that will help you find a way to heal.

Questions for reflection:

1. Consider the “Fundamental Assumptions”. Is there one that surprises you or that you may want think about? What are your own assumptions about anger?

2. Think about the concept of “blame”.
a. Are you more likely to blame the other person – or to blame yourself?
b. How can we move from focusing on “who is the bad guy?” to “what do I need right now?”
c. How does our understanding of God’s Grace fit into this picture?

3. Look at the steps for anger management. Which of the steps are hardest for you? Which are easiest? How could talking to God about it help you with this process?

4. What is the one thing with which you most need God’s help in your own journey of understanding and handling anger?

Anger and Stress

Today’s lesson focuses on the stress that clouds our lives when we are angry. I am going to handle this lesson like a radio talk show. Are you familiar with the artifact? An expert is invited into the studio and he or she comes prepared to drone on and on about the area of expertise. However, what the expert really wants is for someone to phone it … with a question … or a comment or example of their own. So today, I am going to masquerade as an expert on anger, prepared to drone on and on, but I will pause periodically for interruptions And by the way, we do have an anger expert with us. Claire has taught on anger many times and had she been in town this week she would have been teaching this lesson. In her absence, I will pretend … but she will help respond to comments.


A Didactic on Anger: So here we go, I will be following the lesson materials closely … and one of the resources that the lesson materials use is the writings of Gary Chapman, the man who did the “Five Languages of Love” video.

Major Point 1: There is nothing sinful about experiencing anger. Indeed, at its root, anger is merely a physiological response to external or internal events in our lives. As when we are afraid, when we are angry our blood pressure goes up, we have available extra amounts of adrenalin and other hormones, and our heart rate increases. For this reason, people who are angry a lot experience a very real physical stress.

Major Point 2: More important than the anger response is the trigger that led us to the anger response. Sometimes the trigger is an internal event. As you worry and brood about your problems, you may attach a meaning to them that makes you angry. For example, as you try to balance your check book, you may get angry at your boss who does not pay you enough or get mad at your spouse who spends too much. More often, however, the trigger event is something external. The actions of the driver in the lane next to you or the comments of a co-worker can set off the anger response. Indeed, the thing that triggers the anger may often be the meaning we attach to the driver’s poor driving or the coworker’s comment.
Common meanings that trigger anger:
We have been rejected … someone we value has been rejected
We have been manipulated … someone we value has been manipulated
We have been ignored
Our character has been impugned
Our rights have been violated
We have been dishonored
Dr. Gary Chapman believes that the most common triggers are connected to injustice, “I have been done wrong.”

Pause for call in:

Major Point 3: Once we realize that anger itself is not sinful, we are able to focus on the most destructive aspects of anger, how we act it out in our life. Chapman suggests that the two main unhealthy/ungodly/sinful ways of expressing anger are two opposite ends of a continuum. On one end, aggressively expressing anger. On the other end passively withholding anger. Chapman calls these explosive anger and implosive anger.

Major Point 4: Implosive anger (anger that is submerged or withheld) is based on a denial of the reality of anger. Common phrases that accompany this approach to anger are: “I am not angry, I am just frustrated.” “I am not mad, I am just disappointed.” [Note from Ed: As someone who uses these phrases occasionally … I feel a need to defend them a bit. Sometimes when I use them it means that I am feeling something like anger ... similar physiological response, but do not yet have a good grip on its meaning. Other times I may know “why” I am angry but I am not sure that it is a very worthy reason for being angry.]
Chapman suggests the following negative consequences for Implosive Anger
Passive-aggressive behavior [getting back at people indirectly without telling them why, rather than confronting them head on]
Displacement of anger onto someone else
Stress … stress … stress
Development of resentment, bitterness, and hatred
Potential for delayed explosion “This is the third time you have done that this week and I am sick and tired of it.”
One of the real problems with implosive anger is that it tends to linger … extending the physical stress … and damaging relationships. Paul is speaking of this when he says, “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.

Pause for call in

Major Point 6: At the other end of the continuum is what Chapman calls Explosive anger … uncontrolled fury that may manifest itself in verbal attacks involving screaming, cursing, sarcasm, humiliation, or threats. Explosive anger can seriously damage relationships, and, if it rises to violence, seriously damage other people or property. Exploders sometimes minimize their behavior by blaming it on their victims and/or calling it “getting something off my chest” or “blowing off a little steam.”

Call in … did any of the scriptures you read initially treat address this behavior.

Major Point 7: If both implosive anger and explosive anger are destructive, you might expect that the curriculum recommends something in-between as the desirable way to respond to the physiological experience of feeling angry. They recommend what they call “assertive anger.” I will not attempt to define this carefully but it has these characteristics:
· It is not hidden but expressed
· It is not expressed in a fury
· It is mindful of both the content of the anger (the trigger of the anger) and the relationship
· It attempts to constructively engage with the “reason” why the anger occurred, while at the same time building bridges to the person at whom the anger is directed.
· It is possible to do one without the other … couples may get mad at one another over and over about the same thing … but move pass the anger and make up. However, the trigger is never addressed.
· We may discuss and resolve the problem but remain aloof from the person with whom the problem was experiences. This often happens in the work environment.


Where does stress enter the picture:
Stress builds if you are angry a lot … so finding ways to reduce the number of things that trigger anger is a good strategy
Stress builds if you hold in your anger or if you explode … so learning to manage anger is important to reduce stress.

Newsletter, March 30, 2008

TexMex Night at White Bluff: The Families and Friends Class invites WBUMC “20-somethings” and “30-somethings” to join us for TexMex night at White Bluff on April 19. Child care is available at 4:30; a shared meal with Mexican themes will be enjoyed at 5:00 pm; a piñata will broken at 6:00; and its contents enjoyed in a shared movie at the church later in the evening. The event is being planned by our true Texan, Paul Snider, and his lovely wife Chrissy. For more information, call Paul at 596-4470 or Chrissy at 596-4469.

Signup list as of March 30:
Chrissy and Paul: Enchiladas with pico sauce + choice of movie(s)
Erica and Curt: Mexican soup
Dasha: Guacamole and chips and piñata
Anna: Chimichangas
Tony and Amy: corn bread
Rhonda and Chris: Salsa and dessert
Kristen: Enchiladas
Claire and Ed: Fruit Salad and candy for piñata

Notes:
· Make sure that Kristen M. knows the number of children from your party who will be participating in the child care. She will make sure that Robyn has sufficient workers and sufficient pizza for children and workers.
· Childcare is $5 a child up to a maximum of $10 per family.


Contributions for Honduran Trip: We will have a box in the classroom in which we are collecting donations for the Honduran Mission trip that members of our church will staff in July. Erica suggests any of the following items as appropriate to donate:
10 Useful Items You Might Have Lying Around Your House
Used children's shoes in good condition
Sample-sized toiletry items (shampoo, lotion, soap, etc.)
Pencils and manual pencil sharpenersS
tickers,
tattoos
Goody bag or Kids-meal type toys (the smaller, the better; no English required)
Ibuprofen and Acetaminophen (non-liquid)
Soccer balls, basketballs or other types of balls that can be deflated (Used condition is fine.)
Old eyeglasses
New children's underwear
New combs

Other business from March 30:
· We re-supplied Janet and Mitch with funds for the baptismal Bible ministry
· We decided that money that was cleared on the class Easter pictures would all be given to the Honduran mission trip
· Kristen promised to refurbish our hallway bulletin board, and we all promised to be quite proud … even if she uses purple and white letters
· Erica asked if the class might be willing to pilot an “outreach” program she is designing for the whole church. As part of that program, Erica is working on “church cards” that can be handed with a personal invitation. She may discuss an incentive plan later.

Stress from Children’s Schedules, March 9, 2008

As we continue our survey of stress in our lives we have been talking about the stress of excess demands. We referenced a book by physician, Richard Swenson, called Margins in which he uses the metaphor of the margins of a page to describe the dilemma of the modern family. Swenson declares that the margins, the blank spaces, on the printed page are necessary if we are going to read the printed page. He suggests that it is very unpleasant to read a page that is filled from top to bottom, from left to right by print. Further, Swenson suggests that the same is true with our lives. If we fill our lives so fully that that there are no blank spaces, then we will experience our lives as stressful …even if all the content of our days is good. In the curriculum we find this quote:

People often eliminate the margins in their own lives and fill up their schedules from top to bottom and side to side. The result is active but exhausted individuals and busy families with multiple interests but little time for each other.

Our curriculum then reached into scripture to suggest three margins that we need to observe in our lives, margins that will reduce stress and return joy to our Christian living.

Margin 1: The Sabbath – Creating margins through rest and worship
Margin 2: Sharing responsibility – Creating margins through getting more help
Margin 3: Knowing when enough is enough –Creating margins through solitude

Last week we divided into three groups to discuss each of these “margins.” Today I want to talk about an issue that I overheard being discussed as I listened to the groups talking last week. Last week I heard several of you discuss the stress being introduced into your lives by new organized activities in which your children are involved. For example, Paul discussed some new activities that his daughter are pursuing in their karate class that take them out of town for a time. This started me thinking, and the following is the result:


Two of the most rapid sociological changes in the 50 years between my childhood and the childhoods of your children has been (a) the rapid increase in organized activities for children built around sports, performances and interests … (b) and increasingly early ages at which we begin to involve our children in those activities.

Back in the dark ages, when I was a child, the first opportunity to partidcipate in something that was organized came at about age 8 or 9, and that opportunity was Little league baseball. This was a one season sport that typically involved Saturdays for about eight weeks with all games played at a field in the neighborhood. A few children took piano lessons, more were in scouting and church based activities, but by far the most common activity was free play in neighbor’s yards, usually under the watch care of a stay at home mother. By middle school you could play on a school or league team in football or basketball or play in the school band, but again seasons were short and free play was a major part of most children’s days in the extended off-seasons.

By the time my children reached school age (when you were children), opportunities were much wider and occurred much earlier. My son Aaron was playing what could we might generously call soccer by age 5. [Actually, it was a swarm of 18 children following a ball, one child throwing rocks at the goalie and one child talking to his mother]. By age 7 Aaron was playing two soccer seasons a year, and soon sister, Jodi, got the soccer bug and was also playing two season soccer. Not only were there weekly practices for each child; in Wake County, North Carolina the teams played county-wide so that Claire and I each would typically drive 20 miles, in a different direction, on Sunday afternoon. Along the way both children took music lessons from age 5, and Jodi took gymnastics from age 8.

As I have watched the children of my faculty, it seems to be that the movement has accelerated. Indeed, the most recent phenomena seems to be “select teams” or selected individuals who compete perform not in a community context, but regionally or nationally. One close friend has a son in his early teens who plays a regional golf circuit much like the pro circuit with events all across the southeast, others play on city select teams for children that travel further and with longer seasons than my high school basketball team ever traveled. Similar structures exist for performance-oriented activities like music and dance. Almost every activity seems to have a non-local component.

There are several consequences of all this organized and planned activity, some good and some bad. [The class then brainstormed on two lists. I was not taking notes so what appears below are my recollections. I apologize for those that are missing.]

Good Consequences:
1. We give our children the opportunity to excel … helping them build self-confidence and poise that perhaps will help them through the difficult adolescent years
2. We can choose our children’s peer groups and know that their play is supervised. They learn discipline and teamwork and develop critical social skills.
3. Such activities give the children a place to be positively involved when school schedules and parent’s work schedules do not coincide
4. In some rare cases, our children may be talented enough so that with an early start they will be able to use their skill in their adult life … scholarship to college or performance for pay .we give them the chance to be the very best that they can be.

More Questionable Consequences:
1. Children have less down time …and there is some evidence that undirected play plays important role in childrens’ development.
2. Parents pay and enormous toll as they provide transportation and other support for organizations that produce the activity. Making it possible for our children to participate in these activities can contribute to the stress from overload that we feel.
3. Disruptive of family centered activities like evening meals together or family devotionals or simply family in the house at the same time doing different things.
4. Children may get a unwise message about what things are really important. As they see the entire family system turned upside down month after month to facilitate their participation on a select football team or their performance with a regional orchestra, they may draw a conclusion from that that the families do not intend.

My point here is that there is a balance to be struck … .and you will not get much help from your society in striking that balance. I do not know the answer to how much organized activity is the right amount of organized activity; that will depend on both the circumstances of the child and the family. However, it would be unwise to proceed on autopilot and do things just exactly like the other ten families in your neighborhood. I would like to tell you a story from my years as a parent and the place that I decided that balance had to be restored.


My story: As my son began to move from baby to child, I wanted very much for him to enjoy and excel in athletics. There were a couple of reasons for this.
· I had not only enjoyed playing sports, but it had been a crucial bridge for me during adolescents. It will not surprise you that I was a strange child [the child is the father of the man]. I was socially awkward, excelled in school and was serious member of my Christian community … none of which endeared me to my peers. Playing sports was how I connected to my peers. Since I suspected that Aaron might share some of my strangeness, I wanted him to have the same bridge available to him.
· It turned out that when Ed’s genes went head to head with Claire’s genes, Claire’s always won. Hence my son was a very small child. I felt that excelling in a sport would help this small child compensate for the biological fact (and the fact that his father was a hulking giant).

Consequently, when Aaron showed an interest in playing on a soccer team with his five year old friend Jay Thomas, I piled on. For the next seven years we built large parts of our schedule around soccer. There was a fall season, there was a spring season, there was summer soccer camp at North Carolina State University. Along the way Aaron developed some skills, enjoyed the play, and was usually one of the better six players on the team but certainly not the star. When we moved to Savannah, he had a bit of a head start, and was soon on a select team playing across the region. It was then that I finally made the determination that I had gotten things out of balance. We were on a weekend trip to Jacksonville with games on Saturday and then on Sunday. I got up on Sunday morning and realized, “We are not in church today. For years I have communicated to my child that soccer is more important than family life. Now I am communicating that soccer is more important that participation in a Christian community.” We played the Sunday afternoon game, and we quit the select team.

Surprisingly, Aaron’s life did not fall apart. Without me facilitating a week built around soccer, he developed a group of friends who began to work on Odyssey of the Mind projects and spent afternoons in garages building exotic machines. Even without select team preparation he made the high school soccer team and played three seasons on a one of the better teams in the city. But surprisingly, in his senior year in high school, when he would have started at center half back, he elected not to play on a team destined to win the region, and he did not play soccer, but rather spent his time on a rich set of non-sport activities. The father who believed that sports were necessary to secure his son’s future had been totally mistaken.

I don’t tell you this story to suggest that at any point I made the “right” choice. All my choices may have been off the mark. Perhaps I should have never started my son playing soccer, or perhaps I should have continued select team to the end of the season, or perhaps something in between. My only point is that there are decisions to be made … there is a balance to seek … and children will be remarkable resilient, however you proceed.

I want to leave you with three very practical suggestions made at the end of the lesson on Stress from Overload:

1. Create a margin by marking a weekly Sabbath Rest on your calendar and schedule around it.
2. When you are feeling overwhelmed, list and evaluate the activities in which you are involved. Pray about each activity on the list. Ask for wisdom to discern whether or not to eliminate that activity or ask for help in that activity. Note: When asking for help, ask a specific person to do a specific task for a specific time period.
3. Schedule time alone and time with family and friends.

Newsletter, March 9

Newsletter, March 9, 2008

Just a few dates:

• March 22 Church-wide Easter Party, 10:00 am on Saturday,
  Class contribution will the Curt and Erica show (photography table)
• March 30 Class business meeting during usual class hour. Breakfast and business and prayer will be the order of the day
• April 19 Class social event …big ideas provided by Paul and Chrissy,
  details to be decided on March 30
  
  Belated special thanks to Tony Murphy for handling teaching chores in late February as Ed and Claire ventured to see Natalie Claire’ baptism.

Stress from Loss: Grieving as a Christian

Stress in the life of a Christian: Previously on West Wing we have discussed
• Stress related to failure
• Stress related to conflict in relationships
• Stress related to the work place

Today I want to read part of the introductory Biblical passage and ask you to identify for the source of stress we will discuss today: Read Job 1:13-15, 18-21



Stress increases when we are grieving a loss. Before we begin our conversation, I would like to use what the educators among us would call a pre-test.

Post-Test given to class:

1. When we talk about grief, we most often think about our response to the death of some one close to us. However, we often find ourselves grieving other losses that have nothing to do with death. Can you identify some examples other losses that might produce grief in the life of an individual?


2. Prolonged or overly emotional grieving demonstrates a lack of faith. (True or False)


3. Each person’s experience of grief is completely unique. (True or False)


Responses to Question 1:
• loss of relationship by separation … spouse to Iraq, divorce, insurmountable issues that divide from someone you love
• Loss of job
• Loss of health
• Loss of financial security
• Loss of personal safety
• Loss of dream
• Loss of reputation or status or approval

Responses to Question 2: The curriculum is emphatic that it is not a sign of spiritual immaturity for a Christian to experience wrenching grief. Indeed, our response from one moment to the next in the grief process may vary. A moment ago we heard Job’s initial response to his terrible loss. In that response he is somewhat calm and dispassionate. However, as time passes his grief takes many different shapes. Listen to Job in Job 3:1-4, 11-12, 16, , 25-26. Here we hear a man whose grief is intense, yet his faith remains constant.

However, Carla points out that failure to move beyond grief may signify a crisis in faith. We will touch on this in a minute.

Responses to Question 3: True and False. Each person’s grief patterns are unique. And indeed, as we watch another person go through the grief process, we really have no measure of how profound and deep it is. The Bible offers several pictures of persons experiencing grief and in each case they have different characteristics. We watch David lament as his friend Jonathan is killed, we watch the prophets mourn as Israel wanders further from God and consequences follow. We watch Jesus mourn when his cousin and his friend John the Baptist was beheaded. [Read Matthew 14: 9 – 13] Note that the outward manifestation of Jesus’ grief was that he chose to go apart by himself.

On the other hand, although each person’s grief is individual, there are some common patterns in the grief journey that are worth noting:

The curriculum describes this pattern: Shock, Denial, Sadness, Anger, Acceptance. In our two vignettes in the life of Job, his first response was in the period of shock. By Job 3 he was somewhere in anger stage. Another well-respected pattern is the one researched by the physician Elizabeth Kubbler-Ross who identified the following stages in the grief that comes when one learns that one has a terminal illness: Denial, Bargaining, Anger, Depression, Acceptance. What both patterns suggest to us is that grief is a journey though which we must move … and that to resume a life of joy and meaning, we must eventually complete the journey. Knowing the patterns that will characterize our grief may help us monitor ourselves as we experience grief and may also help us as we live with and reach out to friends and family who are immersed in grief.

Our authors emphatically assert that grief is a normal part of the lives of Christians and not a sign of weakness, and they emphatically assert that there is no magic time after which all Christian should have completed their grief journey. However, they suggest that there are some false beliefs that can lead us to get stuck in our grief journey in a place of despair or bitterness. These false beliefs can rob us of some or all of the joy of the Christian life.


Question for Discussion: Accepting for a moment that grief is a journey that each of us must travel to the end, what are some false beliefs that can hold us in bad places?

• I can never forgiven for my part in the loss of X (where X may a passenger in the car I was driving when the wreck occurred, X may be a spouse I had a fight with before he was deployed to Iraq, a job that was lost due to my inattention, a championship game that was lost due to my mistakes, …) . If we get stuck at this place in our grief journey, we forget that God is first and foremost a God of forgiveness. He invites us to bring our pasts to him for healing. He can and will forgive.
• Without X, there is no possibility of joy or happiness or fulfillment in my life. (Remember X may not be a person … lost job, lost dream, …) This false belief assumes we are dependent on our selves or the lost person or thing for joy and happiness. For a Christian, God is the source of true joy.
• Because I lost X, my life has no meaning. Again, this false belief forgets that with or without X, God is the source of meaning in our lives. He has loved us, declared us his children, and we need no other meaning or mission in this life.
• If God really loved me, X would not have been lost. In this false belief we presume there to know more than God and to know more about the direction of God’s will than God does.


Life Change Lessons:
1. Accept your grief: This is a necessary first step, accepting the fact that a loss has occurred and that you are entering a new season of your life, a season of grief. It does not help to declare that grief is not necessary because we are victorious Christians. It is better to admit to God and to ourselves that the loss hurts … a lot.
2. Limit your Grief: To grieve freely and openly is not to give in to an indefinite and debilitating despair. If you find yourself stuck in one of the stages of grief, perhaps being held captive by the mistaken belief that your life has no meaning, you may need help in moving on. Talk to a wise friend about your lack of progress, or seek a Christian counselor.
3. Redeem your grief: Remember that your life can grow larger through suffering. Read I Samuel 9 for an example of how David redeemed his grief from the loss of his beloved friend Jonathan by caring for Jonathan’s crippled son and making him an honored guest at the table of the king.


Pre-Test:


1. When we talk about grief, we most often think about our response to the death of some one close to us. However, we often find ourselves grieving other losses that have nothing to do with death. Can you identify some examples other losses that might produce grief in the life of an individual?




2. Prolonged or overly emotional grieving demonstrates a lack of faith.




3. Each person’s experience of grief is completely unique.

The Stress of Labor

This is the lesson from February 3, 2008.

Introduction: In past weeks, we have
Looked at stress in general: Our scripture passage centered on Paul’s poetic words in Philippians 4.
Stress that is a result of failure on our own part: Scripture passage was about Peter’s denial during the trial of Jesus
Stress that is a result of conflict: Scripture passage had to do with conflict between tribes of Israel recorded in Joshua

I am going to read the scripture that is cited today … my question for you will be. What source of stress are we discussing today?

Wheeler read Scripture Passage: Exodus 5: 1-2, 10 - 23

Today our focus will be on “The Stress of Labor,” stress that burdens our life that results from our life of work. The quarterly classifies that stress in three categories. responsibilities, relationships, and environment.

In class we created three work groups to work on these three sources of stress. We also asked each workgroup to think about this question: What resources/insights do we have as Christians that assist us as we struggle to keep stress of the workplace from dominating our lives. Below you will find notes from each work group as well as some comments from the quarterly.

Group 1: What are some ways that our responsibilities in the work place may invoke stress?

Multiple tasks that stretch us thin. In our group each of us have more than one “job” and any one of the jobs would be enough for a days work. Tasks beyond our knowledge or skill level
Tasks below our skill level
Tasks that make us responsible for lives or welfare of others
Tasks that put our life or health at risk

What resources/insights do we have as Christians that assist us as we struggle to keep stress of the workplace from dominating our lives.

o In prayer we can go to God for perspective and comfort
o In Christian community we can share and get support for some of the burdens we carry in our work; we are stronger in our minds because of our community
o From our faith we have a framework from which to make decisions
o Our job is not our life: family, Christian community, service to God and his people are other “higher purposes” in our lives
o Our highest good is not to acquire more money or power

Group 2: Identify and discuss the relationships in the workplace that may be sources of stress.

Three kinds of relationship that can lead to stress in workplace: relationships with boss, co-workers, and clients/customers.
A primary source of stress involves co-workers who are either whiners or who blow up at the slightest provocation. Persons who see everything as a “glass half full” can poison a work environment.

What resources/insights do we have as Christians that assist us as we struggle to keep stress of the workplace from dominating our lives?

One of our understandings of work is that we are servants giving gifts to glorify God.
God gives us the perspective to see the glass as “half full” instead of half empty.
We have a broader of perspective because of history and our roots.
We can understand our bosses, coworkers and customers as persons
loved by God


Group 3: What are some aspects of work conditions or environment that may lead to stress.

Physical conditions can be hot, cluttered, disorganized, drab, run-down.
There can be physical hazards: machines, bullets
The environment can be very political
The work environment can be very insecure (threat that job comes to an end)

What resources/insights do we have as Christians that assist us as we struggle to keep stress of the workplace from dominating our lives?

Knowledge that our work is meaningful and part of a bigger purpose.
First Peter


Summary by Ed: We have done a wonderful job of identifying sources of stress in the workplace and resources that Christians have in coping with those stresses. In addition to the resources mentioned above we might add:

The fact that work is affirmed by our faith. In the creation account in Genesis, God is portrayed as working to bring about creation and then resting. When Adam and Eve were put in the garden, their purpose was to “work it and care for it.” In the New Testament work is affirmed in scriptures such as I Thessalonians 3:6- 8 and I Timothy 5:8.

We can understand our bosses, coworker, and customers as persons
Loved by God
Sinful and bearing burdens of our own: One of Claire’s father’s favorite sayings was, “Don’t be too hard on anyone you meet, you never know what burdens they are carrying that day.”

We can understand the work place as a place to which we are called to bring salt and light … a place of ministry … and, in the right circumstances, a place of witness.


Lifechange Lessons [These were not covered in class but are some ideas of “changes” we can bring to bear on our work stress that were given in the book we are using]

1. List the sources of your stress and identify the top three factors that “steal joy” from your job.
2. Identify reasonable, action steps to reduce the stressors.
a. Effective people work within their circle of influence. They realize that there is much beyond their control, but there is also much that they can do within their circle of influence
Example: Relationship with boss
Determine what boss wants: (by asking, listening, observing)
Determine how to deliver what boss wants
Decide if you are willing to pay the cost of delivery
3. Evaluate your compatibility with your job
4. Avoid the urban myth of the perfect job: “Someplace there is a perfect job … I just need to keep moving until I find it.”

Stress in Relation to Conflict

This is the lesson from January 20, 2008

Things to look forward to:
Lesson by John Haney next week (January 27)
Lesson by Tony Murphy on February 24


Baselines for today’s lessons:
• There are no genuine relationships without conflict.
Marriages, Christian communities, Sunday school classes, families, work communities, and neighborhoods
• One of the sources of stress in our lives is unresolved conflict.
• As Christians, we are called to seek resolution and reconciliation for the conflicts of which we are a part. {Can you think of scriptural calls for this perspective}
Love our enemies, pray for those who persecute you
Forgive those who trespass against us
Love one another as I have loved you
Romans: 12:18 If possible, in as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
Love your neighbor even as you love yourself.
Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted forgiving each other

Wake-Up Exercise: Five principles related to conflicts and their resolutions. Use words on the right to complete statements on the left.

1. Unity is not the __________ of conflict but the result of __________ conflict.

2. Faulty _________ almost always leads to flawed interpretation that provoke wrong __________ with potentially disastrous __________.

3. Resolution is not possible without __________.

4. Good conflict resolutions nearly always begin with __________ rather than __________.


5. ___________ is not possible without cooperation. Use the words at most once. Some will not be used.

Cooperation
Communication
Carbohydrates
Information
Questions
Interpretations
Absence
Accusations
Lawyers
Resolved
Conclusions
Pork pie hats
Results
Reconciliation





The authors of our materials claim that we can see evidence of these principles in the following story. I am going to tell the story and as I tell it, I want you to listen for examples of the five principles.

Tell story from Joshua 22:

As the twelve tribes of Israel entered the Promised Land, 10 of the tribes crossed to the Western Side of the Jordan river while 2 of the tribes (Gad and Reuben) located on the eastern side. The tabernacle, an elaborate tent structure that housed the central place of worship of God, crossed the Jordan with the majority and was located at Shiloh. This was designated the official place of worship of God.

A rumor arrived at Shiloh. The two tribes who stayed on the eastern side of the Jordan were building a huge altar. As the weeks passed, the rumors became more excited. Not only were they building a large altar. On this altar they were going to start burning sacrifices to Gods other than Jehovah. That really caused a stir. Before long, the ten tribes were forming an army to cross the Jordan, tear down the altar, and punish the wayward tribes. However, some wise head intervened, and before the armies crossed the Jordan, a delegation was sent led by a man named Phineas.

The delegation arrived from Shiloh and faced the elders of the two eastern tribes. Phineas asked these questions:
How could you break faith with God like this?
How could you build this altar in rebellion to God?
Don’t you know that your sin will result in punishment for us all?
He then offered a compromise: If this land is causing you to sin, come on over to our side of Jordan. We will squeeze together and make room for you. Only don’t continue to rebel against God.

Then the leaders of the two eastern tribes answered. “You don’t understand. This altar is not for sacrifice to other Gods. This altar is to remind our children of the God that we all serve. We built it to be a witness between your people and our people, that we serve the same God. The altar is not for the purpose of rebelling against the Lord, but as a witness to the power of God.

When the delegation from Shiloh returned home with the news, everyone was relieved. “The report pleased the Israelites and the Israelites blessed God and no longer talked of war.” The altar on the eastern side of the Jordan was called Witness.

Did you detect any of the five principles in this story?

Questions For Reflection:

1. Do any of the principles connect with your experience?
• Have you seen one of the principles acted out in real life?
• Can you think of a circumstance in which thinking about the principle could be useful?
2. Sometimes conflicts cannot be resolved because one or more parties won’t communicate and won’t cooperate.
• How should we respond as Christians to this circumstance in our work place
• How should we respond as Christians to this circumstance in our Christian community?

Stress: Lesson 2

Lesson from January 13

This week, I had a conversation with a young friend who reminded me of some of the stresses of families of persons of your stage of life. In this particular family, both husband and wife have executive positions, they have several small children, they have strong connections to extended family … and in the midst of their life together, it is hard to find a moment of personal time. In thinking about this family, I remembered my own family in the mid-eighties. We lived in Cary, North Carolina. Every morning we saw a 6 year old and eight year old off to school, Claire began a 25 mile commute to Chapel Hill, North Carolina where she was a graduate student, and I drove 8 miles to my first supervisory job, a job in which I supervised 4 women 20 years older than myself. Along the side, we were trying to care for Claire’s parents who were in ill health in north Georgia. It was a time of life filled with stress. We are going to spend a little time for the next several weeks seeking God’s guidance on ways to lower the level of that stress and at the least, make it more productive in our lives.

In the first lesson on Stress that Karen Clarke taught on December 30, the lesson turned around one of my favorite passages in the Bible;

“Rejoice in the Lord always.” Again I say, “Rejoice!”
Let your gentleness be shown to all. The Lord is near.
Do not be anxious about anything but in everything, in prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your wishes be known to God.
And the peace of God that passes all understanding will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus. Phillipians 4:4-7

Three points:
· Paul’s prescription for anxiety is reliable. He is in prison facing execution at the time he writes the letter of Phillipians. He knows what stress is!
· The prescription works because when we come into the presence of God in prayer, we find the Lord of Peace who is a good listener.
· The prescription works because in prayer we gain perspective and truth.


End of Review of Last Lesson and Beginning of Lesson 2: Failure Leads to Stress

Although the authors will try to suggest perspectives to help us cope with stress … to overcome stress … they will certainly not act as if stress is not real. Indeed, that is a major point. Stress is real and will severely impact our lives if we do not make progress toward mastering it.

In today’s lesson they go right to a major source of stress … out failures. Sometimes life is stressful, not because of external circumstances, but because of our own failures and errors. And failure is stressful, not just because it is humbling and embarrassing, but because it often has concrete consequences.

The authors then take us to one of the most painful moments of embarrassment and failure in the New Testament.

Reader 1: Matthew 26: 31-35

Reader 2: Matthew 26: 69-75
Before we think further about this scripture, let’s see if we can see ourselves in it.

Reader 3: Read John 21:15 – 17

Our authors believe that in these scripturse we get important perspectives about how God sees our failures:
· While Jesus does not affirm our failures … he nonetheless anticipates them. He knows who we are.
· Jesus believes in us despite our failures.
· Jesus sees our failure and shame.
· Jesus forgives us our failure.

Conclusion:
The quarterly tells a very poignant story from the 1996 Olympics. The long jump gold medalist from the 1992 Olympics, Mike Powell, is competing against Carl Lewis. Powell is behind and is coming up for his last jump. In the previous jump he pulled a muscle so he can only limp as he rushes toward the board. In an instant, Powell lifts off and then due to a wave of pain, crashes face down in the sand far from the point he needed to reach. The camera focuses on Powell as he grimaces with pain and as he pulled himself out of the sand. Then the camera follows him as he limps away from the competition, dragging his injured leg. No coach comes to console him, no trainer comes to provide atowel to wipe sand and grime from his face. It was a very telling picture of a man buried deep in his failure with no hope for redemption or reconciliation.

This is our antidote against the stress induced by our failure. We are not necessarily insured against the natural consequences of our failure. We may lose relationship with other people, we may lose the gold medal, but we do not lose relationship with God. God will meet us with towel and comfort as we limp away from the fray. God comes to us in our failure and offers forgiveness … but also offers reconciliation.

Jan 6, 2008: Class Meeting

Class Social: January 19, “Recycled Christmas”: In the class meeting today, the class decided to revisit a class tradition: The Recycled Christmas Party. Here are the details on the party:
Date and Place: January 19 at home of David and Carla McCorvey
Time: Nursery at church open at 4:30, food laid out at McCorvey's at 5:00 pm
Activities: Shared meal, Exchange of recycled gifts, ... and perhaps visits by noted rock groups!
Food: Chicken Fingers provided by McCorveys. Other dishes provided by guests. [Note: If you are non-cooker, come anyway. You need what your classmates will provide.]

Here are the dishes that were pledged at the class meeting today:
Hagan- dessert

Linton - main dish

Wheeler- fruit salad

McDowell- let them know what is needed [Sarah and John, just make a choice in view of what your see here]

Snider- potatoes or veggies

Everly- Dessert

Murphy- side dish

Larsh- side dish
For More Info: Call Carla or David at 920-8080.

What is a “Recycled Gift?” A “recycled gift” is that unusual Christmas gift that you are not quite sure what to do with. In some cases it will be a very nice gift that just does not fit your persona/your interests/your décor. In other cases, all may have cause to wonder, “why would anyone give this?” The gifts will be exchanged using a very confusing set of rules that you will only understand after you have lost the gift your heart desires (unless Tony Murphy manages to impose order on chaos.)
Final Note: This social will take the place of the Super Bowl social that had been tentatively discussed several weeks ago.

Birthday Info to be posted: In class meeting today, we passed around the roster for the class to get updates on emails, phone numbers, and addresses. [If any class member would like to have your own personalized copy of this roster, email Ed and he will provide it to you]. One piece of information that is on the roster for some families is information about family birthdays. Paul Snider is going to take that information and produce a birthday posting on our class Blog. [It will live under the label Birthdays]. In class today, we gave people the opportunity to signal that they did not want birthdays posted by removing them from the roster. However, several folks (Alfords, Hicks, Maynard, Minceys, West) were not there to remove their birthdays.

Safe Sanctuary Training: Safe Sanctuary training for the Southern Conference of UMC will be held on Saturday, January 26, 2008 at Pittman Park UMC in Statesboro and on Saturday, February 16, 2008 at Waycross First UMC in Waycross. Claire hopes to attend the February 16 training and then work with Amy, Carla, Chrissy and others to produce a training session for the entire church. Before the end of this year, all members of WBUMC who work with children will need to have completed this training.

Curriculum: Many thanks to Karen Clarke for getting us started on the curriculum entitled: Intentional Choices: discovering contentment in stressful times. We will be in this curriculum over the next several weeks.

Special Things Ahead:
We are pleased that on January 27, Pastor John Haney will be our guest teacher.
We are pleased that, should the Wheeler grandchild Natalie be baptized on February 24, Professor Tony Murphy will take the podium to teach that day.
Ski trip is tentatively scheduled for Feb 5-10. Anyone interested, talk to Mitch.